first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
