She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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