Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
