I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
