His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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