He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
