grandma shit on top of the toilet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
