did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
