now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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