God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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