i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
