I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
