There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
