No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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