May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
