He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
