The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
