I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
