It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
