It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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