His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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