If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
