I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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