if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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