well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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