Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize