Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize