Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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