after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
