apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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