Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
