Don't you send me to vm
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize