god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
