So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
