The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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