I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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