just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
