I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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