I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
