So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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