am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
