if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
