He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i think i just naturally attract stoners
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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