ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
