Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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