Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
