Nicole vs. Life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
