Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
