You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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