I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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