i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
