Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
