just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
