she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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