I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize