there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize