Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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